Hello life, how are you? hope you enjoy your day. I'm still breath until today, passed hard times and good times, sadness and happiness, observe, and learn what life trying to teach me. I know i'm not young girl anymore. Some people said that i must married a person in this age, they said that i was 'too picky'. Honestly, i often talk with my heart why this was really hard to open my heart, to let somebody in. It's always something wrong with a man who comes to me, i still can't accept anybody fully to fill my heart. I  know that deep inside i have unfinished bussiness with myself, maybe with my inner child. Then, i start to looking back, what cause all of this, because i think there's mental block that create a wall for accept a man in my heart.

Then, i started to remember. When i was in junior high school there was my friend who have boyfriend and her bf was kind of playboy, he made my friend cry. It was first bad impression for me about boys. Then i went to senior high school, and i saw most boys only think about pretty face or physical attraction, then my wall about boys were bad going thicker, but still i have a relationship with a man when i was in college. I never tell my relationship to anyone, including my best friend. i keep it private with myself. He was kind and nice to me to be honest, he even not do a wrong thing and really care to me, but my perception on my mind about boys make me can't trust him although he was show any evidence that he was care to me. I saw he change to be better man, but still i don't believe him, because there's mental block on my unconscious mind : do not trust a boy. Then we break up, or maybe i break his heart and leave him, i remember he was asking me why, what is wrong, and i even can't explain because i don't realize there's something in my head that influence me. 

After that people come and go to my life, some man was really care, some man was really annoying, and still, i can't open my heart to anyone. Until one day, i realize that...

I did self-instrospection, talk with inner child, learn about understanding others, psychology, how to train my emotion, and many more. And finally i'm understand why God not let me marry with somebody else before i fix myself first, so i can walk a better life. 

I don't hope anybody to make me happy, because what hurt you is your expectation. You are the only one that responsible for your happiness, for your life.

 

Then here i am, accept life and really grateful with my journey. I love my life and i will enjoy every breath of my gift. I hope my God always in my heart, guide me to the right path. :)

By the way, last week i went to a tea plantation for camping with my friends. We're single girls, and i thought nothing wrong with that. I don't live to satisfying others opinion. I hope me and my friends find our best husband in the future, a man who finish bussiness with theirself too. 

Luvv, muss :)