A Life Journal

One day I sat down and realized something about myself.

The older i am, the deeper i learn, 

what i get is.. my outer reality is illusion, it just projecting my inner world.

This make me less judgemental to others, because the source is inside.

What wound still unhealed? what feeling i repressed? 

The more i dive deep to myself, the more i get it.

Layer by layer,

It makes me think,

what is the real truth then?

I'm going to that way.

It was huge rain last night, and i'm grateful i was able to enjoy it in my cozy room with a warm blanket, enjoying the sounds of rain as my bedtime lullaby. The next morning when i woke up and open my window, i'm stunned with a view outside, a green field beside my neighbour house was full of fog! it was foggy morning with a fresh air! i love it, i love the atmosphere of early morning with a dew on the leaves, and a fog itself brings mysterious things about it.

I went outside to my front yard, observing fresh leaves with dew, and my cat ( if i can call it mine, haha) comes to me, then we have a morning walk together. By the way, i found this cat last year, he was crying in front of my fence! his eyes was full of tears ! i don't know whose cat is this, but one thing, he was hungry and he can't hunt like others wild cat. He is totally a spoiled cat whose live in a house and fed everyday. So, i call him to me, fed him, and started from that day, he never leave my house, hahaha. But my previous cat, leave me because of this new cat. Hahaha. In this world, people come and go, even your cat, wkwk, just let it go, let it be. I don't want attach to anyhthing.

I'm taking picture of beautiful leaves and branch, it was inspired me to draw nature theme illustration for my next product on creative market. You can buy my illustration here :  

https://creativemarket.com/mussbolo

After clean up my house and take a bath, i cook some food for myself. Btw mom and dad go to their farm (it was far from our house) and here i am enjoy my time alone, to be honest i don't feel lonely at all, i am totally happy with solitude. Maybe all painter love solitude? Okay, i will show you what i've cook (haha, i don't really interest into cooking) just look into my refrigerator and found mushrooms, so i decide to make mushroom soup with egg, just add onion, leeks, royco, egg, oyster sauce, and done! It was super simple and i love the taste! I enjoying my lunch with one of studio ghibli movies (Kiky delivery service) its been a long time in my movie wishlist, and i really like this movie!

For a blessed day and grateful heart, i say thankyou to My Lord, Allah.

Weird, i'm even losing interest to go to beautiful place/ chit chat with my friend in a cute cafe, feels that not interesting anymore. Everythings change, the world change. My dad health was change, he had backpain and struggle for walk, looking to his condition i realize that young age and health was uncountable treasure / gift in life.

One of my best friend was have a new life, and i think we just don't have the same vibe anymore. What i observe is, like God was taking away every attachment i have, to detach me from all those things. I think God want me dive deep into my own self, my soul. In the end, i found that the real best friend is myself and God, the other just people who come and go, even your BF and family will go at their own time. So, i learn to know myself, love myself, solve my inner probs, and be my best friend of mine.

You know, it feels good to detach from everything. My goals is to finish & understanding this life before i died, so i'll back home peacefully to the side of God. Just enjoy the process of learning!.

My lil bro (cupi) back to Indonesia for short holiday, so three of us went to nature for some fresh air and green forest. It was lovely day with my brothers, i keep our photos here because someday it will be beautiful memories to remember of Mustika, Satria, and Pusaka.

Life is a cycle. I've been watching myself in recent days, i don't know where all my excitement go. To be honest everything was good, but seems myself didn't want to do anything. I keep questioning, where all my energy goes? then, i'm trying to observe : i ask myself, maybe i was desperate by something? NO, i thought my life was great. Am i push myself to hard for achieving my goals? this maybe true because in the past month i'm obsessed with many target like finish 5 books a month, trying to productive from wake till sleep, and many things, and ya maybe it takes my energy, so i need to find my balance.

Its funny cause in the past 2 weeks i was really highly productive and the last weeks i can't do anything even i want to. So i take conclusion, this was my life cycle. Sometimes its okay to do nothing, maybe your body and mind need a rest, then we're ready to up and up again!

i love you myself :)

-M.

Suatu sore ibu saya pergi mengunjungi temannya yang sudah lama tidak masuk kerja karena penyakit kanker yang di deritanya sudah semakin parah. Tubuhnya yang dulu sehat kini berubah menjadi kurus dan banyak rambut yang rontok. Sahabat ibu saya ini mengatakan kalau saat ini air liurnya sudah mengering mungkin karena efek obat yang keras dan kombinasi dengan penyakitnya sehingga banyak bagian tubuhnya yang sekarang menjadi rusak. Ternyata air liur yang sering dianggap menjijikkan dan sering kita remehkan mempunyai manfaat yang sangat penting. Keringnya air liur dalam kasus sahabat ibu saya membuat ia merasa sangat sakit setiap menelan makanan, karena tidak ada air liur yang membasahi mulut dan tenggorokan. Akhirnya setiap akan menelan makanan ia harus minum air terlebih dahulu agar tenggorokannya tidak sakit saat menelan, begitu seterusnya, setiap menelan, dan setiap hari.

Mendengarkan cerita-cerita tentang beliau saya seketika semua masalah saya hilang karena merasa jauh lebih beruntung dan masalah saya tidak ada apa-apanya. Kemudian saya mulai melihat diri saya, semuanya sehat dan berfungsi dengan baik, tidak ada yang sakit, semuanya pun masih utuh ada bersama saya. Pelan-pelan saya berterimakasih kepada kaki, tangan, mata, semua bagian tubuh yang sudah membantu saya selama ini. Selama ini saya selalu diliputi oleh nikmat dari Allah, saking terbiasanya dengan nikmat itu jadi dianggap hal yang wajar dan biasa. Kita terlalu fokus dengan hal yang belum kita miliki, dan lupa dengan berjuta-juta karunia Allah yang sudah di berikan. Saya berpesan pada diri sendiri, jangan sampai baru sadar akan semua nikmat ketika datang teguran dari Yang Maha Kuasa berupa sakit terhadap tubuh. Jadilah orang yang tau diri dan tau berterimakasih.